My roommate will NOT stop smoking weed! I swear it's what she uses my rent money for...
My room smells like skunk.... Grrr.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Yoooo... that was SO Ghetto!
Hey homies,
So you may know that I'm moving (less than 10 blocks away) and to be honest with you I was a bit concerned. My new hood, is not half as ghetto and I thought, "What will become of my blog?"
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Note: This is a set, but I swear I would not know the difference from my block. |
Well have no fear, because what I witnessed today confirms that I will still have quite enough to share with all of you.
So, I went over to the new place today to sign the papers, and got into a very deep conversation with my new roommate about conditioning vs. instinct, when we were interrupted with a very loud SMASH!
We looked out the window to find that the driver of a white SUV had taken a large rod and smashed in the window of a black cab. Both cars were stopped at this point and the man with what looked like a curtain rod was threatening the driver of the black cab who was still in the car. Of course there just happened to be a large NYPD van stopped at the intersection. After realizing this, the guy with the rod runs over to the NYPD van and calls out "He has a knife!"
Now let's take a moment shall we?
FIRSTLY, he's inside a car, how do you know he has a knife?
SECONDLY, so what if he has a knife? I carry a pocket knife with me all the time! It doesn't mean I've ever used it on anyone.
THIRDLY, even if he has a knife, and intends to use it as a weapon, HE'S INSIDE A CAR DUMB-ASS. He hasn't tried to get out of the car, and you are by no means in danger unless you PROVOKE HIM. Good Job.
Back to the story...
The stereotypical "donut" cop was chillin' inside his vehicle, calling someone on his radio. At this point everyone had realized he was a traffic cop and wasn't going to do shit to protect anyone.
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| Photo from: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DonutMessWithACop |
MEANWHILE the driver was out of the black cab and the guy from the SUV had dropped his curtain rod and was PUMMELING the driver on the sidewalk, in a large puddle no less (I felt bad for the guy's wardrobe) with his friend standing by, should he need back-up.
The traffic cop at this point had stepped out of the van but by no means made any movement to break up the fight, which in my opinion he easily could have.
By the time the REAL cops got there (and they didn't seem to be charging anyone) the black cab had drove away, and this was the scene.
My apologies for not actually getting this whole thing on video, which I easily could've. I don't usually like to video violence, and my new roommate didn't suggest it until after it was over.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Ghettoism # 25
I want to dedicate this post to my home girl B, for inspiring me with her used-UNITED POSTAL SERVICE FIRST CLASS packing tape WALL PATCH.
B, I've known you since 2003, and in all that time you've never taken the tape off and patched the damn hole in your bedroom wall. I just want to take a moment to salute you, because every time I see that hole I shake my head and say, "That's So Ghetto."
Ghettoism #25:
Using all manner of household objects to fix something that really isn't that difficult to fix properly.
This one's on me guys. Yeah, when I moved in, the curtain rods were already falling off the window-frame. Yeah, when I moved in I gave it the ol' dykey hammer-and-nail try. Since then, the brackets have collapsed, and thus, rather than going to the hardware store to get replacements and actually install the curtain rod properly, I opted to hang a hanger on the remaining hardware to support the curtain rod.
It took about 2 minutes to adjust and when it was done, I took a step back and remarked, "Wow... That's so ghetto."
and then, "Haha, wait till I tell B".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY B!!!!
B, I've known you since 2003, and in all that time you've never taken the tape off and patched the damn hole in your bedroom wall. I just want to take a moment to salute you, because every time I see that hole I shake my head and say, "That's So Ghetto."
Ghettoism #25:
This one's on me guys. Yeah, when I moved in, the curtain rods were already falling off the window-frame. Yeah, when I moved in I gave it the ol' dykey hammer-and-nail try. Since then, the brackets have collapsed, and thus, rather than going to the hardware store to get replacements and actually install the curtain rod properly, I opted to hang a hanger on the remaining hardware to support the curtain rod.
It took about 2 minutes to adjust and when it was done, I took a step back and remarked, "Wow... That's so ghetto."
and then, "Haha, wait till I tell B".
HAPPY BIRTHDAY B!!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Ghettoism # 24
Using an empty liquor bottle to prop the window in the stairwell.
So it's after dark, and your homies hit you up cuz they know you have a good stash, and they're ready to get toasted to kick off a weekend of partying. You already know the Po-Po case your block every friday night so you're gonna have to find someplace to smoke where you won't get caught. Where else but the stairwell? Only problem is your abuelita lives upstairs and will cut yo' ass if she smells that shyt, and unfortunately the windows in your ghetto-ass apartment building won't stay up. What do you do? Fortunately your man Javier just got back from the corner liquor store with his pre-game stash so you down a celebratory shot and shove that mutherphucker in there!
Disclaimer: This story is completely fictitious, and written for entertainment purposes. Javier is not a real character.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Memories...
Hey homies,
I was just considering some of my oh-so-precious memories from when I first moved into my hood.
Now a bit of background: my 40 yr old Filipino roommate, who prior to my moving in was THE whitest person on the block, has a dog. A very charming pittbull who just happens to be white.
One day, when I was still new to the block, I was out taking the dog for a walk. Naturally,
me+the dog=Whitest thing to walk down the street in who knows how long... Well up ahead there was a small terrier mix..loose! I wasn't sure how my roommate's dog would react, let along the one on the street, so I pulled her back, as the seemingly well-mannered terrier came to sniff my roommate's dog. Next thing I know, a short, stocky Hispanic woman walks out calling GRINGO! Gringo! COME HERE!
Now I knew what Gringo meant, so naturally I burst out in giggles, but for those of you who do not, Gringo is Spanish slang for a white person. Usually a stupid and/or useless white person who can't speak a word of Spanish. Yes, it can also be used in a non-derogatory way to describe anyone born in the United States, or as a replacement for the term "American", but as I have experienced it, calling "Gringo!" is just about the same as calling "Hey, Whitey!"
Tell me how the dog was BROWN.
I was just considering some of my oh-so-precious memories from when I first moved into my hood.
Now a bit of background: my 40 yr old Filipino roommate, who prior to my moving in was THE whitest person on the block, has a dog. A very charming pittbull who just happens to be white.
One day, when I was still new to the block, I was out taking the dog for a walk. Naturally,
me+the dog=Whitest thing to walk down the street in who knows how long... Well up ahead there was a small terrier mix..loose! I wasn't sure how my roommate's dog would react, let along the one on the street, so I pulled her back, as the seemingly well-mannered terrier came to sniff my roommate's dog. Next thing I know, a short, stocky Hispanic woman walks out calling GRINGO! Gringo! COME HERE!
Now I knew what Gringo meant, so naturally I burst out in giggles, but for those of you who do not, Gringo is Spanish slang for a white person. Usually a stupid and/or useless white person who can't speak a word of Spanish. Yes, it can also be used in a non-derogatory way to describe anyone born in the United States, or as a replacement for the term "American", but as I have experienced it, calling "Gringo!" is just about the same as calling "Hey, Whitey!"
Tell me how the dog was BROWN.
Ghettoism # 23
Okay, so this is technically the first ghettoism I'm posting on here, but you guys are pretty far behind on this, and the #23 is to account for all of the ghettoisms I've sadly missed :'(
So, without further adieu...
Ghettoism #23:
Putting up "wet paint" signs when you know damn well that banister ain't never gonna get a paint job!
Update: That Stainless Steel rail was drilled onto the OLD handrail back in DECEMBER 2010. It is now May 2011. NO PAINT.
So, without further adieu...
Ghettoism #23:
Update: That Stainless Steel rail was drilled onto the OLD handrail back in DECEMBER 2010. It is now May 2011. NO PAINT.
Introduction:
About 6 months ago, a queer white chick raised in the sub-urbs of Staten Island, ventured out into the adventurous world of independent living, and cheap rent brought her to.... THE HEIGHTS!
Okay, okay, what the hell is this crazy chick doing moving her pale ass that far uptown? Right?
Well this white chick is pretty damn crazy, but it's not like I didn't go to City College "The College of Diversity". Actually, since high school I've pretty much chilled in places where white is the minority, and everyone is on their last dime. And that's the way I like it, cuz let's face it- I am one broke-ass mutha'sucka', and anyway rich white people are boring as hell!
Which brings me to.... Character!
Honestly I love my new neighborhood. Guys hangin' outside the barbershops, tryin' to holler, old dudes sitting in their lawn chairs, enjoying the sidewalk....
Best of all it's CHEAP!
I swear, It's a dream for this vegetarian to be half a block away from the FRESHEST, So-Cheap-the-chick gave-me-a-free-piece-of-fruit-just-because-she-didn't-wanna-break-my-dollar, Can't-get-this-shit-anywhere-else PRODUCE
And on top of all that, you don't need to pay cover at a club, cuz it's FREE MUSIC NIGHT EVERY SATURDAY! haha okay, that one can get a bit annoying when they roll up (in the MINIVAN) at 2am and I gotta get up for work at 5, but... overall, I love the character.
Oh yeah.. did I mention all the sexy latinas? Damn, can't touch, but I can look though ;)
Anyway, this blog is intended to document all my little not-so-boring encounters that give the Washington Heights/Inwood border its CHARACTER :)
Which brings me to.... Character!
Honestly I love my new neighborhood. Guys hangin' outside the barbershops, tryin' to holler, old dudes sitting in their lawn chairs, enjoying the sidewalk....
Best of all it's CHEAP!
I swear, It's a dream for this vegetarian to be half a block away from the FRESHEST, So-Cheap-the-chick gave-me-a-free-piece-of-fruit-just-because-she-didn't-wanna-break-my-dollar, Can't-get-this-shit-anywhere-else PRODUCE
And on top of all that, you don't need to pay cover at a club, cuz it's FREE MUSIC NIGHT EVERY SATURDAY! haha okay, that one can get a bit annoying when they roll up (in the MINIVAN) at 2am and I gotta get up for work at 5, but... overall, I love the character.
Oh yeah.. did I mention all the sexy latinas? Damn, can't touch, but I can look though ;)
Anyway, this blog is intended to document all my little not-so-boring encounters that give the Washington Heights/Inwood border its CHARACTER :)
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